What's this feeling?
by Cinn
Summary: How is it possible to tell what you're feeling towards someone?
1. What's this feeling?

Cinn: Yo dudes+dude-ettes! I've been away for a bit, but I've eventually found an idea I might be able to write about. Well lot's of people have written about this, but I've added my own personal ideas to it.  
  
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What's this feeling?  
  
How do you know what all emotions are? (Oh, it's Trinity's P.O.V. by the way.)  
  
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Is this, or isn't it? How do you know when you love someone? Do you just know it's love, or is there a certain way of telling? I want to know. I need to know whether this is love or not. I want to tell you you're different to the rest, to me, but I can't. I'm frightened I might be lying if I say I love you. I'm trying to decide whether to tell you or not...  
  
I want you to know, I want to know whether you feel the same. I felt something after you saved me from the helicopter, you seemed to too. Why does life become so complicated, just when you think you've got it sussed?  
  
I decide not to tell you how I feel. I pick up the ringing phone, and press it to my ear just as I see a beggar turn into an agent.  
  
I'm worried the moment I wake up on the Neb. I turn to the monitors, then to you. A few moments later you cough up blood, I know that it's not going well without even turning to the monitors.  
  
Then, as if we don't have enough problems, sentinels approach. Things are getting bad. Once we'd found a reasonably safe place to stay until they arrived, I returned to you. You were running, then found an agent as you were about to get out. You were easily killed.  
  
I had to decide now, was this really love? It had to be, what else was it? Before I knew what I was doing, I was telling you, telling you everything, even though you were dead. Then acting like it was a dream and I could control what happened and what didn't, I kissed you.  
  
I lifted my lips from yours and you took a deep breath. You were alive again. And because you now knew who you really were, you shocked all of us, including me. You just deleted an agent, easily. To you it took no effort at all. You managed to get out just before we blasted the E.M.P. Not that'd we'd set it off if you were still in the matrix or anything.  
  
After it'd gone off, I lifted myself from you, I'd thrown myself over you. I don't know whether I did it to try and protect you, or because I wanted to make sure you were really there alive or what, but I had. We stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like and eternity, before you reached up to kiss me.  
  
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Cinn: BORING! Ops, did I say that out loud. Ops. Oh well, I'm someone who likes to speak their mind. Well it ain't THAT boring, it's slightly boring, and the fact I'm morally depressed ain't helping. I supposed it's fairly good 'cause it's supposed to be serious. And I mean good for my standards. Oh, crud that reminds me, I have to write some essay thingy for hmwk. Oh to h*ll with that! Stuff the hmwk, and hi computer! Computers are much more interesting than hmwk! I'm sure you agree. Please R&R! PLEASE!!?!! * cough * review! 


	2. Learning

Cinn: Whoo, me again. What the heck made me wanna write this I don't know. Well, it's a change from school and homework. Anyways, just R&R.  
  
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Learning,  
  
what you can learn about yourself and other people from letting someone into your life and feelings. Trinity's p.o.v.  
  
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You've changed me since you came into my life. I feel more, alive. And I know my feelings better. I never wanted to face my feelings, but since you've come I want to. I want to know how everyone else feels.  
  
The Neb crew, before they were killed, used to embrace some of their emotions. If not all, but never showed fear or such when on the ship. But we all get scared once in a while, right?  
  
That's another thing, you've helped me get over their deaths. You let me weep on your shoulder, and listened when I wanted to talk. I supposed you had a few reasons to, to get to know what they were like, and to help me get over etc.   
  
You've also helped me to deal with my other feelings. About my past, and about how I treat others. I can snap at people sometimes, I don't mean to. But you've helped me consider a few more things first.  
  
People I've known for a long time, e.g. Tank and Morpheus, know something in me's changed. I laugh more, I smile more, and I tell a few more jokes. And they say that when we're in Zion, I get out more, even if it is just with you.  
  
Morpheus is happy for us, and for me finally getting some emotion out. Even if he does joke about what I was like before. He's, well I suppose, pretty much like a father to me. Tank, I'm sure he's happy for us too, but there's too much on his mind. We're all worried for him, he's seriously injured. I'm worried, I don't want him to go too. You can tell something's bugging me. Everytime I walk into the same room as you, you just know whether something's up or not.  
  
I'm standing outside our door, we're on the Neb. Heading back to Zion again because Tank's gotton worse. I turn the wheel, which makes a terrible squeak, and enter closing the door behind me.  
  
" Hey. "  
  
" Hi. "  
  
I knew he was about to ask what was up. I knew it. I walked over to our bunk, where he was sitting, and sat next to him.  
  
" What's up? "  
  
" I'm worried. "  
  
" About Tank? "  
  
" Yeah.... I don't want him to go too. "  
  
" Yeah, I know. "  
  
I wanted to say he didn't. He hadn't known Tank as long as me, Tank was one of my best friends. Always had been, but then Tank's pretty much everyone's friend. We'll all miss him if he dies. I hadn't realised I was crying until he wrapped his arms round me and started dabbing at my tears.  
  
" Hey, don't need to start on the waterworks.... "  
  
" I know, it's just.... Tank's just, well he's probably my best friend. I can't lose him too. "  
  
" I know, you've known him a long time, huh? "  
  
" Yeah, too long to remember. "  
  
I knew I was behaving incredibly out-of-character for me, but many people do when they lose someone close to them. Or fear they might. We all knew if Tank would stay in Zion for a while he'd stand a far greater chance of recovering, but he wouldn't. He kept arguing that he was needed. Indeed he was, but we could find a replacement for a few month, sure he'd not be Tank, but it'd be better than Tank dying.  
  
" You know, even if Tank does go. You'll still have memories... "  
  
" I know, but it wouldn't be the same. " I nearly shouted that at him, but I knew he was only trying to help. I shouldn't get cross at him for that. I needed him more than ever at the moment, he's helped me through everything. Especially Cypher betrayal. I shouldn't be angry with him.  
  
" I know you probably think I don't know Tank as well as you, or think of him as a very good friend... But I'd miss him too if he went. "  
  
" We all would. I don't know anyone who hates Tank. "  
  
" Can't imagine anyone would want to. He's quite a character. "  
  
" Even if he thinks the basic operational programs are major boring shit... "  
  
" You know about that? "  
  
" He says that to everyone. Remember, Morpheus made sure you had been run through them. Everyone knows what Tank opinion on them is... "  
  
" I'm sure. "  
  
" He's funny, and friendly. And never judges people before he knows them. "  
  
" Um. Knows what he's doing too. And with you seems to know where dangerous ground is. "  
  
" Everyone knows that with me. He has to know what he's doing. Only the best can make it as an operator. It's one of the most important jobs. But in my opinion he's crazy to be an operator. In a way you have to be a little bit. If you're some control freak, deadly serious person, chances are you'll be rubbish at it. "  
  
" Well if you sum Tank up then he fit's the job perfect. "  
  
" Yeah, he does. Even if his way of doing things is `slightly` different to everyone else's. But he's fun to be with. "  
  
" You seem to be repeating that a lot. "  
  
" Memories. Most of the memories I have of him are when he's done something a bit crazy. And quite often managed to get me involved. Once resulting in getting band from the matrix for a day or two. "  
  
" What did you do. "  
  
" Erm... You don't wanna know. "  
  
" Tell. "  
  
" No. "  
  
" why not. "  
  
" Because. I'll tell you another time. I just want some rest. It's been a hard day. "  
  
" Yeah. "  
  
I pushed him over so he wasn't hogging all of the bunk before lying down, only to have him lay down behind me and wrap his arms round my waist.  
  
" Goop sliding. " I muttered.  
  
" What? "  
  
" what Tank decided to do. He'd burst the goop tap thingy, so the mess was a sea of goop. So he decided to have goop sliding competitions. It's like sock sliding, only you slide on the goop in your boots. Quite fun actually. "  
  
" And all of you got in trouble...? "  
  
" No, just me, Tank, Switch and Cypher. Apoc hadn't arrived then, neither had mouse. And Dozer would've been on watch instead of Tank. Morpheus was only a `tad` annoyed. "  
  
" Um. Goodnight. "  
  
" Night, I don't see why it was so bad. We were making use of something that couldn't be used properly... "  
  
I went to sleep thinking of all the memories I had of my friends. Funny thinks like the goop sliding thing. If you can get over the initial shock, then you can mourn for them, but still think about all the funny memories of them.  
  
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Cinn: A fluffy chappie. Nothing more. I needed something to write and this was the best I could come up with.... Oh well. We all have our bad do's. Oh well, review. Please? Pllleeeeeeeaaaaasssse. I HAVE run this through spell check, that's the best I can do. I do apologise for any mistakes. 


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